We've been talking about listening for God's voice a lot lately in our little faith community. At the same time I am realizing that I have been struggling to hear my own creative voice for several years now. I will get creative spurts of ideas and energy and find really "productive" outlets for them. But often I get so caught up in the productive outlet that I forget the creative impulse that got me into it. Then I wonder why I feel overwhelmed or dry spiritually and creatively.
The emphasis on silence and stillness to hear God's voice has started something else for me. It is helping me find the road back to my artistic self as well. Who knew that God and the muse lived in the same neighborhood! :) - Ok, I say that to be funny, but it is really very serious. I don't think it is any accident that spiritual and creative health are linked (along with physical, mental and emotional). I've known in one part of my brain for a long time that all of these things need a great deal of time and attention but for some reason I give more credance to the part that tells me "look like a good girl; a pastor; a smart business woman - produce, produce, produce!"
Of course, there are things that need to be done. Anyone who has started from scratch will say that it takes a lot of time and energy, and I've realized I'm a person who is ok with that. I like it in fact. But, I'm starting to accept the fact that there is a price to be paid for that in energy and it demands stopping for refills.
On Monday (my day off) I took myself to skyline drive. I stopped at little places along the way I found interesting, drove slowly through the mountains and sat on a big rock looking like a goof-ball wrapped up in a red wool blanket and a funny hat and let myself be blown by the wind as I gazed at the valley below and clouds passing by. Part of the magic of this trip was the silence. I didn't listen to the radio much and when I did it was only intrumental music.
This week (chapter 4) of the artists way suggests a week long reading fast. For me, this has become a media fast. Just me, alone with my thoughts for a whole week is a scary thing! But, I keep being pushed back to something I heard somewhere about "asking the question that needs to be asked." I guess meaning the stuff that gets avoided or overlooked or excused because there is so much to distract from it. I've needed about a week of this "noise fast" to get to the point where I'm running out of nit picky things and beating myself up and laundry lists of what I should be doing in my head to get down to a real conversation with myself about "what am I really doing?";"who do I want to spend time with?" and "just where is that creative impulse these days?" and is it really as remote as I make it out to be, or am I just scared to clear away the clutter and make room for it in my life?
I have no idea where the answers will lead, I'm just excited that I'm finally getting to the questions - the ones that "need to be asked." I've decided to continue this media fast through Lent (novel idea - a time of fasting and prayer!). It is so hard for me to not turn on the tv and veg when I get home late at night or listen to talk radio, but I'm learning stuff. I don't know if I'm hearing God's voice just yet, but at least I'm starting to learn to hear my own.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
My Artist's Way Group Makes Me Happy
Nothing profound to say. I just got back from the third session of the Artist's Way with a new group of people and felt compelled to write out how much I love this group. I am really enjoying getting to hang out with amazingly creative people (and some who are just discovering how creative they really are.)
I learn from them every time and can already tell that even though we are all from very different backgrounds we are going to become great friends.
As fellow AWer, Jason would say "It's tight!" :)
I learn from them every time and can already tell that even though we are all from very different backgrounds we are going to become great friends.
As fellow AWer, Jason would say "It's tight!" :)
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Adventures in Re-Inventing the Wheel
Ok, I'm on fire! Two posts in one day!
I was having a conversation last week with Todd, the pastor at convergence and our friend Joey Tomassoni a local artist and church planter. We were just checking in and talking about the "right" and "wrong" way to do things and just how messy and complicated and "wrong" looking the right thing can be sometimes. Especially when you are talking about bringing together diverse groups of people to explore something like a faith tradition and their impact and relevance for us in our now.
After getting feedback throughout the month of January Todd and I have a clear understanding of some of the things we have done well and some of the things that need to be changed. But one thing started to emerge that I think is really cool. We have intentionally taken a very slow process of community development, openly welcoming the messy, the risk, failure. Of course at the same time we drive ourselves crazy trying to anticipate what the best and right thing to do will be. Sometimes two right things even conflict.
For instance - we have found ourselves on a journey of intentionally "re-inventing the wheel." The wheel is good, it works , its worked in the past, it will probably work in the future, but we want to know WHY. We want to get in there and dig around and find our rituals and worship practices and interactions with our community and beliefs about God and the Bible and the world from sources and new experiences as well as our past experiences and what everyone else may be doing. And the question of course comes - what's the point in that?
I think we are finally starting to find words to explore what the "point" is for us. We received feedback that while people really need the warm, genuine atmosphere at our faith gatherings and other events, sometimes they kind of miss a sense of formality and ritual. Also, while people love that new things happen all the time and they experience stuff in new ways, they feel the urge for a little bit of continuity and structure. Veterans at this point please refrain from the "I told you so." :) It is of course not surprising that these things are surfacing. People need all of these things which is why they have found their way into most worship services.
But we now KNOW for ourselves why they are finding their way into our worship services. When we started we determined that one of our top priorities would be to create an open welcoming environment where people could really be themselves. We encourage a diversity of opinions and perspectives. We choose to center ourselves around the commonality of coming together to learn about and know God.
We have been successful in many respects in achieving this. I think it was reflected in a recent dinner and communion service we had where communion came directly out of the meal. As we were doing it I imagined Jesus over at the other end of the table pausing the conversation and chatter and lifting his glass, almost like a toast and saying "remember this, remember me." It was powerful to me in it's simplicity and even casual nature. For a second I got this image of generations upon generations of disciples sitting around the table in fellowship in Christ's name.
But here is the exciting point. Many of us have had the experience I described above within our community. I just love being around these people! But from somewhere deep inside, an impulse is emerging in our community saying "you know, I miss a sense of ritual."
And it occurred to me, maybe this is how the worship practices of the early church developed. They met together initially "devoted to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to breaking of bread and to prayer."(Acts 2) And they just basically lived their lives together. But I can imagine people at some point saying "I kind of miss the temple structure though." I miss hearing the scriptures sung out and some of the festivals. There is just something about ritual that makes me feel close to God in a way that's missing from the fellowship, prayer and teaching we love. So they added it in.
And so on, and so on till the Church developed its practices. Here we are following that impulse to fulfill a need.
Now some of you (all 2 of those who actually are reading this) may still say -"what's the point?" "who needs that?" and that is where this all comes back to the conversation with Joey and Todd. I need that. Joey needs that. Many artistic people need that. Entering into the process is part of worship for us. As an actor I have participated in acting excercises where we can't speak. Even though we have our lines memorized, the play was written a hundred years ago and everyone knows what is going to happen next - we can't speak until we have the genuine need to speak. The genuine impulse. This excercise helps an actor better understand what is going on in these trustworthy lines. It helps her experience it on a deeper level, makes the enactment more believable and therefore more powerful for the other actors and the audience. You layer on these impulses and awarenesses in rehearsal so that when you go into the repetive ritual of performance it stays fresh and alive, not dead or wrote.
Joey, as a visual artist commented similarly that he has been thinking about color and really seeing and appreciating one color only when it is juxtaposed against another. Asking what this means when applied to relationships and community. We could probably go on with these kinds of process conversations for hours!
And so, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope this is where this blog goes. I hope this becomes a conversation with some other process oriented people about the value and meaning in these seemingly meaningless activities of "re-inventing church." Its really more like we are re-living the impulse to begin, to pray to worship. And really, if i could approach everything worshipful or of mystery and of God from a posture of newness and fresh discovery I hope it would help me actually be humble and constantly aware of what an awesome space faith occupies.
I was having a conversation last week with Todd, the pastor at convergence and our friend Joey Tomassoni a local artist and church planter. We were just checking in and talking about the "right" and "wrong" way to do things and just how messy and complicated and "wrong" looking the right thing can be sometimes. Especially when you are talking about bringing together diverse groups of people to explore something like a faith tradition and their impact and relevance for us in our now.
After getting feedback throughout the month of January Todd and I have a clear understanding of some of the things we have done well and some of the things that need to be changed. But one thing started to emerge that I think is really cool. We have intentionally taken a very slow process of community development, openly welcoming the messy, the risk, failure. Of course at the same time we drive ourselves crazy trying to anticipate what the best and right thing to do will be. Sometimes two right things even conflict.
For instance - we have found ourselves on a journey of intentionally "re-inventing the wheel." The wheel is good, it works , its worked in the past, it will probably work in the future, but we want to know WHY. We want to get in there and dig around and find our rituals and worship practices and interactions with our community and beliefs about God and the Bible and the world from sources and new experiences as well as our past experiences and what everyone else may be doing. And the question of course comes - what's the point in that?
I think we are finally starting to find words to explore what the "point" is for us. We received feedback that while people really need the warm, genuine atmosphere at our faith gatherings and other events, sometimes they kind of miss a sense of formality and ritual. Also, while people love that new things happen all the time and they experience stuff in new ways, they feel the urge for a little bit of continuity and structure. Veterans at this point please refrain from the "I told you so." :) It is of course not surprising that these things are surfacing. People need all of these things which is why they have found their way into most worship services.
But we now KNOW for ourselves why they are finding their way into our worship services. When we started we determined that one of our top priorities would be to create an open welcoming environment where people could really be themselves. We encourage a diversity of opinions and perspectives. We choose to center ourselves around the commonality of coming together to learn about and know God.
We have been successful in many respects in achieving this. I think it was reflected in a recent dinner and communion service we had where communion came directly out of the meal. As we were doing it I imagined Jesus over at the other end of the table pausing the conversation and chatter and lifting his glass, almost like a toast and saying "remember this, remember me." It was powerful to me in it's simplicity and even casual nature. For a second I got this image of generations upon generations of disciples sitting around the table in fellowship in Christ's name.
But here is the exciting point. Many of us have had the experience I described above within our community. I just love being around these people! But from somewhere deep inside, an impulse is emerging in our community saying "you know, I miss a sense of ritual."
And it occurred to me, maybe this is how the worship practices of the early church developed. They met together initially "devoted to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to breaking of bread and to prayer."(Acts 2) And they just basically lived their lives together. But I can imagine people at some point saying "I kind of miss the temple structure though." I miss hearing the scriptures sung out and some of the festivals. There is just something about ritual that makes me feel close to God in a way that's missing from the fellowship, prayer and teaching we love. So they added it in.
And so on, and so on till the Church developed its practices. Here we are following that impulse to fulfill a need.
Now some of you (all 2 of those who actually are reading this) may still say -"what's the point?" "who needs that?" and that is where this all comes back to the conversation with Joey and Todd. I need that. Joey needs that. Many artistic people need that. Entering into the process is part of worship for us. As an actor I have participated in acting excercises where we can't speak. Even though we have our lines memorized, the play was written a hundred years ago and everyone knows what is going to happen next - we can't speak until we have the genuine need to speak. The genuine impulse. This excercise helps an actor better understand what is going on in these trustworthy lines. It helps her experience it on a deeper level, makes the enactment more believable and therefore more powerful for the other actors and the audience. You layer on these impulses and awarenesses in rehearsal so that when you go into the repetive ritual of performance it stays fresh and alive, not dead or wrote.
Joey, as a visual artist commented similarly that he has been thinking about color and really seeing and appreciating one color only when it is juxtaposed against another. Asking what this means when applied to relationships and community. We could probably go on with these kinds of process conversations for hours!
And so, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope this is where this blog goes. I hope this becomes a conversation with some other process oriented people about the value and meaning in these seemingly meaningless activities of "re-inventing church." Its really more like we are re-living the impulse to begin, to pray to worship. And really, if i could approach everything worshipful or of mystery and of God from a posture of newness and fresh discovery I hope it would help me actually be humble and constantly aware of what an awesome space faith occupies.
What gives anyone the right to say anything?
As I caught the end of the democratic debate in broadcast from California last week, a different debate began in my head. It started when I realized that I recognized many of the audience members as the cameras panned for reactions to the candidates remarks. I found myself wondering "what does Diane Keaton think about the proposals on Iraq and healthcare from Obama and Clinton?" and then I reprimanded myself – "who cares what she thinks? She is a celebrity!" But then the camera panned again and I saw others in the audience, who , like Keaton probably have thought pretty deeply about these issues from their perspective. The guy from the West Wing was shown cheering several times and I thought, well hey, after all those years on a political show, he’s probably pretty tuned in to Washington. It takes a lot of research to stay fresh on a series like that. But in the back of my mind I just kept thinking – how silly that "The Nanny" is being singled out for a shot of her approval of what one of the candidates said.
And this revived a debate that has been in my head for sometime. What is the role of the artist in the political conscious of a nation (or the world for that matter)? I mean, it’s not like Paris Hilton was one of the audience members last night. These were serious actors who have worked very hard and been very successful at what they do, which is not easy by a long shot. Shouldn’t they be given the chance to weigh in? Why do we groan when we hear about another of Angelina Jolie’s UN Ambassador trips yet eat up the tabloid gossip? Is Sean Penn self-important or is he just taking advantage of his opportunity to say…something?
My husband is reading a book for a poetry class about the role of poetry in society. There was another book of poetry published which voiced opposition to the war and then this book questions whether poetry should ever be written about such things. Rather, suggesting that poetry is something else entirely and should not be used in this way.
So maybe this is two questions in the debate. Should art be used to explore and express political causes? And second, what right or responsibility to artists themselves have to speak on these issues? Or celebrities (which can certainly be a different matter.) Of course, in the US they have that "right," but I mean on a social level. What role does the artist play through their art and through their personhood?
Just thinking about this
And this revived a debate that has been in my head for sometime. What is the role of the artist in the political conscious of a nation (or the world for that matter)? I mean, it’s not like Paris Hilton was one of the audience members last night. These were serious actors who have worked very hard and been very successful at what they do, which is not easy by a long shot. Shouldn’t they be given the chance to weigh in? Why do we groan when we hear about another of Angelina Jolie’s UN Ambassador trips yet eat up the tabloid gossip? Is Sean Penn self-important or is he just taking advantage of his opportunity to say…something?
My husband is reading a book for a poetry class about the role of poetry in society. There was another book of poetry published which voiced opposition to the war and then this book questions whether poetry should ever be written about such things. Rather, suggesting that poetry is something else entirely and should not be used in this way.
So maybe this is two questions in the debate. Should art be used to explore and express political causes? And second, what right or responsibility to artists themselves have to speak on these issues? Or celebrities (which can certainly be a different matter.) Of course, in the US they have that "right," but I mean on a social level. What role does the artist play through their art and through their personhood?
Just thinking about this
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