Last Night's Worship

It's beautiful right now outside my window. One of the things I love about living across the parking lot from the church is that I can sit at a little table and look out the window, through the new green trees and see the gallery from a distance. Get a little perspective if you will.

Last night someone left a poem on my desk by Teilhard de Chardin. (Thank you. Whoever you are.) It starts off like this:
"Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are, quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown,
something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability -
and that it may take a very long time.

And so it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually-
let them grow.
Let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of
feeling in suspense and incomplete."

Ok, I went ahead and posted the whole thing. I only meant to do the first stanza because the second seems like it was written to me personally and seems to reveal too much. But, then again, I'm sure you appreciate it too, so I thought I'd share.

I received this poem last night but it wasn't the only wonderful thing. Last night we hosted Convivium an a cappella ensemble which sings early (and more modern) sacred and secular music. They were beautiful! That sound of voices filling our little chapel sanctuary was restful and spirit lifting. I think my favorite was the passionate piece written by the king, Joao IV of Portugal.

What I realized again last night was how long it takes for me to be able to relax and really enter into the music. I would frequently have this experience when we did the jazz services as well. It is always rewarding and refreshing when I do, but it usually takes me about 45 minutes to finally stop thinking of other things and trying to "get something out of it" before I can just let go and listen and be transported. - And that for me is where worship happens. When my agenda finally stops and I surrender to just being in God's presence. Just entering another space through a portal provided by music where I encounter the real me (free of worry) and the real God (fully present).

I was fortunate to be able to talk with several of the singers afterwards who were confirming my own experience that very often a church service has failed to provide this portal where a concert or play or exhibit has managed it. And this sets me thinking again...what are we missing and how do we meld these worlds together so that things can be as they ought?

Finally, we traveled over to Cassatt's in Arlington to attend Cecily Corcoran's reception for her exhibit there. It was so great to see her surrounded by her work and allowing us to get to know that part of her. Again, it took me time to stop and really SEE the work. Usually, I do a first pass and my brain says - ok, that is the monument, building, traffic, etc. ok, I got it, next. next. Like the only thing my brain is good for is processing data.

But, that's not the point and so, again, it takes time. I took another look and another and another. And then all of the sudden, I was seeing. I saw the city in ways that I miss when I'm traveling through in traffic. And I saw my own special moments reflected in her work. Those times when I glance up and think "wow, that's beautiful!" or just catch a feeling of the city at dusk when it feels infinitely romantic and exciting. Ever since I was in 6th grade that time of night traveling anywhere near the city makes me wonder - "what exciting things are people up to? What are they wearing? Where are they going? It has an air of "grown up" things, sophisticated things that I still feel like I am pretending about even now when I go out. Her work kind of reads like a love letter and I found myself loving the city again. As our little crew headed back to Alexandria in my car B., P., and I had a great chance to talk in a way that we haven't before and laugh pretty hard together. As P. said - "What a perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon." Transcendence through the senses, stillness and contemplation, prayer, true fellowship. It may have been unorthodox, but it was worship.

You Are Not Alone

At the opening session for the Transforming Culture Symposium, David Taylor asked us to take a couple of minutes in silence to meditate on why we were there. I thought it was a really good question since I am an insight junkie and always feel like there is some momentous discovery right around the corner. I enter every conference trying to glean all the kernels of truth that might just change my life.

But, I wasn't sure I was feeling it this time.

So, when we closed our eyes and tried to just listen for God's voice I started running through the list of things I'd like to get out of the conference and trying to push out thoughts of how we could easily be leading a breakout session and why didn't I think to contact them about it earlier, and maybe we aren't as cutting edge as we thought and all kinds of other ego thoughts when I finally got quiet and a voice in my head yelled: "C'mon Lisa! For the last 18 months you've battled feeling isolated and crazy, praying for confirmation and to not feel alone. Well, here it is! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!"

And that was the tone of the conference for me. Todd and Elise and I all felt confirmed and affirmed in what we began at Convergence and what we are doing with our lives. And then on the humbling side of things, I was reminded big time that this "movement" or awakening of the creative and spiritual life is something that is happening all over the world - with or without us!

Now, that can be an ego blow - just because I have been thinking about all this stuff for the last 15+ years doesn't mean I'm the only one. In fact, the more creative people I meet the more I find out that MOST of us have been noticing these trends, mulling over these thoughts and yearning for a creative and spiritual renewal. So...I won't be writing the book that sets the world on fire. No one is looking at me going "I never thought of that before!" And you know what... I'm relieved.

My ego wants me to be very special and be the first and smartest and best. But, my health has been telling me something else recently. Also, as I have more time on the job in this funky pastor role, I realize that "getting things done" often gets in the way of doing my job.

So, the relief I feel is that I am not alone, I am one of many, many people getting involved in a movement. My responsibility is not to set the world on fire, write a book, take up the lecture circuit, etc. etc. Rather my responsibility (and my pleasure) is to my little community in Northern Virginia. It is much more about spending time with people, getting to know them, helping us all to know one another and learn to live together. It is about spending time finding ways to help us all build community in one of the most difficult places in the country to have that. It is to encourage, and walk alongside and learn.

For me there is something very freeing in this. Letting go of the "next big thing." I finally feel free to put down deep roots and allow myself the pleasures of knowing I will be living in a community for a long time (something I have never experienced before).

Ahhhhh.

Andy Crouch Is Feeling Useless

Last week Todd and I met Elise Edwards (the fabulous designer of Convergence's renovations) at the Transforming Culture Symposium in Austin Texas. The gathering consisted of artists, pastors and academics exploring questions surrounding the role of the artist in church and the responsibility of the pastor/church to the artist. The plenary speakers included Jeremy Begbie (Institute for Theology, Imagination and the Arts), John Witvliet (Calvin Institute of Christian Worship), Barbara Nicolosi (Act I Screenwriters), Eugene Peterson (The Message Bible), Andy Crouch (Christian Vision Project, Christianity Today), and David Taylor (arts pastor).

The plenary sessions were really excellent and some good conversation emerged around a number of topics - including whether it is even possible to talk about "transforming culture." (We are purchasing the DVDs of the plenary sessions for this symposium and the IAM Exchange and plan to make these available if you would like to see for yourself.)

Some of the impressions/ things to chew on that I walked away with were:
From Andy Crouch
-"Culture cannot be reduced to utility" i.e. the value of art is not based on its usefulness. Rather it is something which is valuable in and of itself. Or, said differently - it is not useful only when it points to something else or can augment something else (a.k.a.) a sermon.
-BUT - even more important is the recognition that worship is actually a "useless" thing as well. Coming together to worship or consider God does not necessarily achieve something or produce something. We do it because the act of doing it is worthwhile regardless of any outcome. Or as a Marva Dawn puts it in her book on worship by the same title: it is a "Royal Waste of Time."
-One more fantastic quote on the role of art in religious communities: "There is too much that is good and right with the world to be constrained to the bounds of religious utility."

The interesting thing about this discussion was not so much the implications on art, but rather a reminder to me about worship and prayer. The Bible talks about these things as worthwhile because it is right to do them. Reducing the questions of whether or not prayer "works" or "did I feel worshipful?" as practically irrelevent. We practice prayer and praise, painting and singing, acting and storytelling because it is good and right to do so in the eyes of God.

We don't have to worry about effecting some end. To quote Crouch again: "We don't need to convince God to be useful to us and God does not need us to be be useful to him."

The act of creating, the act of worship, the act of prayer and praise is worthwhile or useful not in its product or results, but in the act itself. We create because we are creators, we worship because we are worshipers, we pray because we are prayers, we praise because we are praisers.

And finally, this frees us as churches to take on our role as possibly the only institution in our culture which can be the "champions of the 'un-useful."
-"Without a belief in the worth of the 'un-useful' who will champion and value those people deemed by our society 'un-useful?"

And who will encourage us to live lives filled with concern for the "other" when this doesn't "do" much for us?

Just feeling very challenged about our role....

What do you think?

Sunday night we had the State of Convergence address and we threw out a lot of stuff including much of what is in the blogs below. We'd like to hear from you. What are your responses and experiences with what is going on in our world? Creating an alternate value system? Promoting the creative life? Creating true community? I'm hoping you will weigh in so that we can have a little more discussion.

Check back soon for the power point!